Liking Oneself by Simba Srinath
I woke up this morning to a sunless sky and it looked like another gloomy winter day. As soon as I was completely up, I looked out of the window and it was beautiful, everything in sight till far and far away was covered with a thick blanket of snow-white snow and for me, it was a sight to behold and just smile. I could see the distant grasslands in stark whiteness, smoke from chimneys shimmering in the air, tiny houses with white laced curtains on their big windows; I got out my fleece, fixed myself some fresh coffee and stood on the balcony for a long time, just being here and being myself.
If this goes to explain anything about where I come from and what my dreams are, I must say it has taken me a while to get here. And it has not been easy, to be happy with myself. I don’t know if it has a lot to do with telling yourself about being positive or actually feeling it from within. I think it has a lot to do with your state of mind and isn’t that always the case, mind over matter. If you met me just about five years ago, I would have come across as someone leading a double life, living one way but believing completely in something else. There was not a moment of peace in my everyday life, feeling stuck in a routine job, empty marriage, daily stressful feelings I fought against constantly.
But somewhere in the process of undoing these knots within myself, I hurt a lot of people around and though it bothered me so much that I had sleepless nights and restless days, I knew I had to do what I had to do. Sometimes, your own sanity is the most important thing in the world, unless you want to end up on the couch. After undoing a lot of things, I had to unlearn a lot too, like having false images about how I feel about love and life. It was hard but it gave me time to see the truth in people, beauty in friendships and slowly I saw a clearer image of myself surfacing onto the top, clearer and less ambiguous. Also, fighting concerns about my career was a constant fear, and it took me a while to get settled while the rest of my graduating class made their way through fat pay checks and boring routines. But as they say, everything works out just fine in the end.
“Just following my recent thoughts and readings, I have realized how important it is to like oneself. And I am not talking about egoistic images of self but more importantly the person who resides in us, rules our thoughts and monitors our actions.”
Just following my recent thoughts and readings, I have realized how important it is to like oneself. And I am not talking about egoistic images of self but more importantly the person who resides in us, rules our thoughts and monitors our actions. Maybe we all could do with losing a few pounds, drinking more water, getting some exercise, drinking less coffee and the list goes on, but I am referring to a very different person, the person who makes us wake up every morning smiling, looking forward to new meetings, taking failures in his stride, and forging ahead.
I am still worried about my future, I seek permanence too - secure job, home, love, and much more. And I am not too excited about living in a country where I can’t speak its language and get looked over again and again in a supermarket. And as I roll my tongue in new ways while I practice this new language, saying supermarket and not just a store. I am surely not in the comfort’s best but I like just being here and being me. What I dream about, crave for doesn’t bitter my today. Today is beautiful. And tomorrow is exciting and new, something I can work and improve upon a wonderful base that today gives me. I think we all can improve things within and around us, but it only starts with appreciating the beauty of ourselves. We should have the ability to laugh at ourselves, act goofy and look silly, but still adore being in our bodies every day and every night till the day we take our last breath. Because the question I see is, if we don’t like our-self, wonder who else would, surely not the neighbour. So, the next time you pop in those vitamin, or mineral, or calcium medicine, make sure you take a big gulp of self-love. Even if nothing works, the last one will make just one day, just a day, a little more tolerable.
Simba is a recent MBA graduate from Duke. She finds herself dabbling with words and life. Business woman, engineer, author, volunteer, counselor, friend, lover, student - all these and more, packed into every single day.
More of her ramblings on www.simbarulez.com
