Who I Am and What I Do by Christine Mason Miller
It is that time of year when I feel the no turning back pull of the impending holiday season, a time when I must prepare to venture out of my studio for weeks at a time in order to take care of All Things Christmas in my home. It is a season I look forward to with girlish glee in the fall and say good riddance to once the new year arrives, as by that time I am desperate to get back to my art supplies.
This is the final slice of one of the most exciting, frustrating, difficult, adventurous years of my life, and I am rather stunned to find myself feeling a bit stuck these days. With a year that included moving into a beautiful house, traveling to Belgium, Italy and Japan, four art shows and turning 40, one would think I’d have enough inspiration to keep me occupied through 2012. Yet here I am, wondering what the next chapter in my creative life is.
My artistic career has had a variety of twists and turns just as any career does, but I am not especially used to being in a place of uncertainty with regard to goals because I lived and worked as an artist for so many years with a very specific vision in my mind. For over a decade, the bulk of my creative energies were spent on all things Swirly, and then it became time to alter my path. Dramatically. This shift was rather wobbly at first, but I eventually found my way to the mixed media and collage work I am doing now, and over the past two years I have enjoyed a number of successful shows and a small but devoted blog following.
During this time one tiny question has been tugging at my sleeve on occasion, usually during times like these when I feel quiet inside. Calling it just a question might not even be the right word, since what is tugging at my sleeve is actually another part of myself. My writer self. And that writer self keeps coming to me to say, “Excuse me, I know you love being an artist and it is your calling in life and all, but…what about me? When are you going to let me come out and play?”
Over the past few years, writing has become more a part of who I am, how I express myself and what I share with the world. I think of things I want to write about all the time and have fantasies of sharing coffee with Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne Lamott. I savor those moments when I find just the right word or just the right phrasing to communicate my thoughts and ideas and love the fact that my writing, just like my artwork, is inspiring and uplifting. I love that no matter what I do creatively, it gives viewers a glimpse into the possibility of their own lives.
I am not sure I have ever said the words, “I am a writer,” when anyone asks me what I do for a living. Writing has so far just been this thing I do now and then, an ancillary activity next to my art. Right now I am not bored with being an artist or eager for another drastic career change, but I am beginning to realize that perhaps it isn’t a question of either being an artist or being a writer, but a question of how to bring these two creative sides of me together in a fresh, exciting way. My writer self has been very patient, and I am curious to see what she does if I dare to let her loose.
What if I started saying, “I am an artist and a writer?” How would this change my life?
Sometimes we have to be willing to let go of what feels like the most sacred pieces in our identity puzzle in order to make room for a wider perspective. As if the puzzle were a giant balloon, and instead of deflating when a piece is pulled out the balloon actually expands, taking us higher than we thought we could go. For a while I believed I had hit my highest high with Swirly, but lately I’ve been wondering if perhaps that wasn’t just the jumping off point, a stepping stone to a deeper creative self. I will always be an artist; this will always be Who I Am, but I believe the question of What I Do will soon start to get a more interesting answer. A more expansive answer. An answer with sparkle.
(Illustration: Christine Mason Miller)
Christine Miller is a Los Angeles based artist with nearly 15 years of art, design and illustration experience. She is the creator of the nationally recognized brand Swirly, and her work has been inspiring people of all ages worldwide to make their creative dreams real since 1995. Find her online: swirlygirl.com and at christinemasonmiller.com
