Everything Girl

“Let go of that which does not serve your purpose: pain, fear, judgment. Let it all fall away.”

I remember hearing the instructor say this during my third or fourth Yoga class. I’ll admit, at the time I was thinking, ‘Yeah, right. Easy for you to say, Lady.’ It was obvious that she had no clue who she was dealing with. I was the undisputed Queen of Fears and Phobias. Chuckie Finster had absolutely nothin’ on me.

Sure I could let go of fear and judgment for the next 45 minutes. But once I stepped outside the doors of that dimly lit room the fears, worries, and concern would come tumbling right back into my lap. I’d be worried about a crapload of things over which I had no direct control. It was part of my daily routine. Expect the worst. Fear the worst. Figure out how you’re going to recover from the worst. Wasn’t that what everyone did?

As I continued to attend the class and to practice Yoga at home, I realized that not everyone lived their lives that way. More importantly I realized that I didn’t want to live my life that way. I was joyful and optimistic about the prospects of others. But, I couldn’t seem to muster that same kind of enthusiasm and positive thinking for myself. I realized how truly pathetic that was and that I didn’t want to live that way anymore. Why couldn’t I be my biggest cheerleader?

That was the decision that I made with my head all those years ago. Implementing that decision has proved to be quite a challenge. Each day I keep moving toward my goal of doing just what that instructor and so many others often repeat: “Let go of that which does not serve your purpose.”

As much as I struggled with letting go of material things that didn’t serve my purpose - like clothing that no longer fit and Post-it® notes I may need one day- letting go of the fears, doubt, and emotional baggage is even tougher. Letting go of that which we have always held - be it right, wrong, or simply irrational - is challenging; but it is not impossible. It requires fortitude: “Strength of mind that allows one to endure pain or adversity with courage.”

Why is this necessary? Persevering in your quest to let go of that which does not serve your purpose - negativity, fear, judgment, self-doubt, etc. - can have a major impact upon your relationships with others. If you’ve spent your entire life thinking negatively it is quite likely that those around you have a similar attitude. The diehard naysayers won’t rejoice over your decision to cross over to the other side. You’ll meet with ridicule and just the general raining on of your parade.

Your quest may lead to the realization that your marriage, lifelong friendship, or long-held job are part of what no longer serve your purpose. Realizing that something or someone that has been an important part of your life for so long is now in direct opposition to your vision for yourself is one thing. Acting on that information is another matter altogether.

Why is it so difficult to let go of a job, relationship, or situation that does us more harm than good? It is often what that thing represents to us. The value that we have assigned to it. Love. Stability. Prestige. Power. Popularity. The relationship that means we aren’t alone but makes us miserable. The friendship that we’ve clung to since childhood, but that offers more dream bashing than emotional support. The career that gives us a steady paycheck but sends us home in tears each night.

If a friend were in a similar situation we’d ask her why she was doing this to herself. We’d tell her that she deserved to be happy. So why do we find it so difficult to show the same compassion and support for ourselves?

Changing our lives for the better in any significant way begins with a heartfelt internal conversation. One in which we acknowledge the validity of our dreams and goals and our worthiness of them. A continuation of this positive, internal dialogue is what propels our movement forward.

My first attempts at positive self-talk were quite similar to Al Franken’s skit on Saturday Night Live, “Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley.” I’d tell myself: “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it, I deserve it.” Of course, I’d laugh to myself each time I said these words. But, eventually it became a normal, positive dialogue that got me through some tough changes I needed to make. It is a strategy that I will continue to rely on as I march toward my 40th birthday, now about eighteen months away.

There are a number of goals that I plan to achieve by that date. Achieving some of them will require parting with things I’ve held dear, but that no longer serve my purpose. It is difficult, but not impossible. For I’ve figured out the hardest part: that achieving my goals requires that I let go of that which does not serve my purpose. And that process begins from within.

Samara Leigh is a Northeast Ohio-based freelance writer, entrepreneur and E-consultant. Her non-fiction and fiction work celebrates the triumphant spirit of women on a journey of self-discovery..

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