Everything Girl

It’s been a year since you’ve heard from me.

Well, not exactly.

I’ve conducted a few interviews, made a scattering of blog posts, and been dutiful with each Letter from the Editor. Missing, however, has been my personal column - a barometer of my life for more than five years here within the digital pages of All Things Girl. I’ve written about my hysterectomy, my divorce, and my journey of self discovery. I’ve missed being able to share my life with you, but when I write here at All Things Girl, I do my best to show the stronger side of myself: the girl who embraced courage and passion; the girl who explored her ability to forgive; the woman who dug deep within herself in order to better hear what her heart was telling her.

I’ve missed being able to share my life with you, but when I write here at All Things Girl, I do my best to show the stronger side of myself:

I was unable to write, dear readers, because I didn’t know if you would accept the vulnerable side of me.

Much of the past year has seen my personal – and professional - life in a state of flux. I have not been decisive nor have I been proactive.

Instead, I have lived a life of reaction. I had allowed my passion for words to leave me, my courage to be less than constant, and something quite sinful. Yes, I used the word sinful in describing my actions of the past year, because I failed to do something elemental to my emotional and spiritual well being. I’ve mentioned The Confiteor here before, but I will share with you once again (without getting overly religious). The Confiteor is a part of a formal Catholic Mass in which the parishioners ask for forgiveness of their sins. The first part goes like this:

I confess to almighty God,
and to you, my brothers and sisters,
that I have sinned through my own fault,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do;

It’s the last line that has been whispering to me in the night: in what I have failed to do. What sinful thing shall I confess to you, my dear friends? What did I fail to do? I turned a deaf ear to what my soul was telling me was the right thing to do for myself.

I turned a deaf ear to what my soul was telling me was the right thing to do for myself.

For the past several years, I have chosen three words to serve as my guiding principals. Though I have yet to share it here at All Things Girl, I only chose a single word for 2010 – and that word is “Faith”.

No, you will never see me turn super-religious. I am a spiritual being, but not religious. Faith encompasses something beyond a belief in God. My belief that God exists has not changed nor has the core of that belief been shaken in any way. What needs work, you see, are the other areas of Faith: my Faith in the laws of Karma, my Faith that in the long run of things, everything will work out in the way it should, and in the proper time, (which may not be in MY time), my Faith that people are truly good and kind.

Most of all, however, I need to re-learn to have Faith in myself. I need to listen when my gut is telling me something isn’t quite right - that if I am steadfast to all areas of my faith, that my soul will always lead me to my hearts desires rather than astray.

My friends, as well as some strangers, have shown me that I will be able to trust in the decency and goodness of others. The fates will continue to shine upon me. The laws of Karma do exist within the world. And the balance of 2010, leading into 2011, is going to improve with each passing day. I know this because my heart tells me.

And I am beginning to have a little faith.

Deb Smouse is the Editor in Chief at All Things Girl. She now checks the 40-45 box on surveys, loves to travel and sings in the shower. She dreams of sunny beaches, moonlight nights, and meeting a man who can dance. Find out more about Deb on our About Page.

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