On the Importance of Alone Time by Melissa A. Bartell
Two of the people we’re featuring in this issue of All Things Girl mention that it’s important to carve out a bit of time each day, just for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a lot – half an hour in the bath is often enough – but it does have to be time that is solely for you. As a lifelong proponent of Alone Time, it was gratifying to hear this from people like Marsha Mason and Audrey Kaplan.
“It doesn’t have to be a lot – half an hour in the bath is often enough – but it does have to be time that is solely for you.”
But how do you find Alone Time when you and your spouse both work from home? That has been one of my personal challenges since January when Fuzzy (my husband) moved his primary place of work from a cushy office in the Dallas Infomart to one of the four bedrooms upstairs in our home.
It’s true that said bedroom has always been designated as his space. I refer to it as is above-ground man-cave, because he keeps the lights low in order to help regulate the temperature. Walking in there makes you feel like you’ve dropped in on Bruce Wayne, and not just because of the dim lighting. Computer monitors line the room, and technical manuals, some for work, and some for role-playing games he does not actually play, infest every surface. In truth, I think they’re breeding, because they’re taking over our library as well. (By library I mean the third of the four bedrooms upstairs, which currently houses a vast quantity of books, all in shopping bags or storage boxes. Someday, we’ll get around to lining it with shelves.)
It’s also true that I have an upstairs room of my own (our own bedroom is on the ground floor, and the fourth upstairs bedroom is the guest room), with dragon fly lights, inspiration boards, and a comfy couch with a great reading lamp. I call it the Word Lounge, because I’m trying to eliminate the word “office” and it’s corporate connotations from my personal vocabulary.
You would think that two adults would find ample alone time in a 2500 square foot home, especially since they each have their own workspace. You would think that when I choose to work in bed so I can monitor our four-month-old puppy (we’re crate training), I wouldn’t feel like I was being stifled, or that my husband was too close.
Nevertheless, when he had to spend a few days in Denver for work recently, I came close to rejoicing. Oh, I love him terribly. He still flirts with me, and we’re still as prone to PDAs as newlyweds, even after fourteen years. Even so, I like those times when I can have my house ALL to myself (canine companions don’t count).
In an effort to find some alone time that isn’t merely “behind a closed door” time, but truly being entirely alone, I’ve started “forgetting” things at the grocery store, and sending Fuzzy out to get them. I’ve also tried to get him to set up man-dates with friends, even if it’s just meeting another work-at-home colleague for lunch once a week. Unfortunately, these appointments wind up being endless calls where both men talk about meeting for lunch but never set up an actual day or time, and once they do, they leave it conditional. “Call me to confirm before you leave,” I’ll hear Fuzzy say into the phone. I wish someone would explain to my why men do this – I know it’s not just Fuzzy. Is it latent fear of commitment? I mean, it’s only LUNCH.
Despite this challenge, I have managed to insert some important rituals into my own schedule. One of my favorites is to soak in a bubble bath and listen to NPR on Saturday evenings. Sometimes I take a book in with me, sometimes I don’t, but for half an hour or longer, I have an oasis in the middle of suburbia, and I can lean back, and think happy, scented thoughts.
I don’t like being lonely. Sometimes, though, it’s important to be alone.
Melissa A. Bartell likes strong coffee, red wine, and dark chocolate. She earns her living writing web-copy for an Internet marketing firm & dabbles in fiction on the side. She lives near Dallas, TX with her husband, two dogs, and more computers than anyone really needs. She is the Managing Editor here at All Things Girl. Find out more about her on our About Page, or check out her blog at MissMeliss.com
