Everything Girl

The author of The Sky Isn’t Visible from Here: Scenes from a Life, founder of the acclaimed Small Spiral Notebook journal, host of the online radio show Writers Revealed (currently on hiatus) and all-around foodie rockstar, Felicia C. Sullivan is a woman who is honest, ambitious and inspirational. No doubt you’ll be seeing her name a lot.

In her memoir, The Sky Isn’t Visible from Here, Sullivan relives her past growing up in Brooklyn with a drug-addicted, often incapable mother, various step-fathers and tough, even brutal, class-mates. We follow Sullivan on her journey to adulthood through snippets from her childhood interlaced with her own experiences in adulthood with alcoholism, drug addiction and self-discovery. A fierce, open and poignant memoir which foregos any self-glorifying justifications or down-your-throat moral wisdoms and maintains an honest conversation with the reader. You feel, in part, that Sullivan has handed you her personal diary and said, “Here. This explains a little more about me. The rest - I don’t know either”. We chatted with Sullivan about her book, the process of being published and of course, food.

This is such an honest and raw peek into some of your worst experiences as a child. How difficult was it to take yourself back to some of those memories? Did you find it difficult to break away defenses to write about these times, or was it easier than you expected?

“Ultimately I knew that confronting the past was the only way I would move beyond it.”

Writing the book from both a personal and craft perspective was incredibly difficult. Personally, I was trying to come to terms with what I had experienced as a child while also struggling with a drinking problem, all the while trying to achieve what writers set out to do – write a good story that is their own. Returning to the past – memories of the years I had spent as my mother’s daughter, my mother’s caretaker – was indeed painful, but necessary. For years I was adamant about not returning to this dark country, but living this way wasn’t necessary healthy because the past consistently crept back in my life and the harder I tried to deny it (self-medicating, living a life of my own invention), the more difficult bearing the weight of these two lives became. Ultimately I knew that confronting the past was the only way I would move beyond it.

The mother-daughter relationship is so complicated and seems so integrated into who we become as women, do you agree? What, do you think, is the biggest impact your relationship with your mother has made on you today, whether positively or negatively?

Absolutely. Our mothers are our first loves, our first hurts, our first models of identity, and who we become as women is wholly connected to, and a product of, this relationship.

While my mother wasn’t the ideal parent, she did instill in me this belief that knowledge is power, education is paramount, and your success in this world is predicated on how hard you’re willing to work for it. I also inherited this incredible strength from her, a survival instinct; however, I dare say that if you compared the two of us, I’d suggest that I was stronger. I learned that allowing yourself to be vulnerable to others, to accept their help, is one of the most profound sense of strength – a kind that my mother denied herself trespass.

Your mother always calls you “Lisa” rather than by your name. To me it seems to give a greater sense of the disconnect from her to you. How did her calling you “Lisa” impact how you viewed your own identity as a child?

I think I’m still unraveling this. I think her calling me by a name, which is a derivative of my own name but not exactly, was a way in which she was able to create a wall between us. It allowed her to not accept responsibility for her actions, the situations she placed us in. But it also made me incredibly confused because my identity has always been questioned. Outwardly I appear white, I have an Irish last night, but part of me doesn’t feel completely white, and I’ll never fully wrap my arms around my heritage because it was something that she denied me. And because of this, because I was also denied access to other members of my family, it was hard for me to form my own identity when I felt as if I came from air.
Growing into adulthood this confusion manifest itself into a fissure of my identity, and I became two people: a collected achieved woman desperate to be WASPy on paper, and underneath all of that was a frightened child who never adequately mourned the loss of her childhood and mother. And this weight was the impetus for me to get clean and sober and embark on the journey of writing this book.

Looking back over everything, do you feel somewhat “disconnected” from “Lisa” - as if she was a different person completely, and “Sky” is a story about that girl?

I don’t believe so, because denying “Lisa” would imply that such a person, a life, never existed. That life, and my reconciliation with it, very much defines who I am today.

You started writing when you were very young, before I’m sure there was any notion of a career or life beyond childhood. What did writing mean to you then?

“Reading books and crafting very short stories and poems were my proverbial “wonderland”—they provided a means of escape from the world in which I lived.”

Growing up in Brooklyn where overdoses and beatings were commonplace, I was desperate for a hole to which I could fall, joyously, rapturously, through. I would’ve risked not knowing what was on the other side. Reading books and crafting very short stories and poems were my proverbial “wonderland”—they provided a means of escape from the world in which I lived. Yet, it can get awfully lonely and suffocating living in your head, and as I grew older and my life changed, the relationship I have with the books I read and write is markedly different. Now, it’s about connecting with and learning from the author, and releasing my ideas into the world.

You’ve mentioned in a previous interview a sense of deep loss of the relationship with your mother. Do you think you would reconcile given the chance, or at this point, do you feel that any reconciliation would simply be poisonous?

That’s a great question but a very difficult one to answer. While a significant part of me is resistant to a relationship with my mother in any form, I can’t predict what the future will bring. I’m loathed to use clichés, however, this is an apt one: I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Many people can relate to what you have dealt with - some closer than others. Did you expect quite the outpouring of “me too’s” from people? How has this affected the way you view your own book?

I wrote this book as a testament to my strength, as a celebration of my survival and recovery, to demonstrate that alternative families are possible, and that love – the most sacred of emotions – is not unconditional. I wanted people who had been pressured into sustaining highly dysfunctional and altogether painful relationships with their parents because of the societal norm: you love your parents unconditionally, regardless of how cruel or abusive they might be. In the end, we dutiful children must always forgive and reconcile, we must shoulder the families’ shame. I vehemently disagree with this sentiment, and I wanted others who have experienced familial discord to feel comforted in the fact that there are others who have made similar brave and very difficult decisions and are possibly healthier and happier because of these choices.

“Not to adhere to someone else’s choices or value judgments. Not to uphold societal norms.”

For years acquaintances would admonish me, and even some have reacted to my book negatively, criticizing the fact that I’m secure and happy to have ended my relationship with my mother, and I had a take a step back and get some perspective because at the end of the day I have this one life, and I’m living it for me. Not to adhere to someone else’s choices or value judgments. Not to uphold societal norms.

And what has been perhaps the most gratifying of this process of releasing my book out into the world has been the “me-too’s!” The I’m glad I’m not alone. The Thank you for writing this. So on the days when I’m blue and I wish I would’ve written a novel because the exposure has been so great, I return to the emails I’ve saved – women taking comfort in our shared experience – and feel that publishing this book is a good thing. A work to be proud of.

Has anyone from your past been in touch following your book? Any surprise phone calls?

There have been a few pleasant surprises – high school friends and people with whom I’ve lost touch have congratulated me on the publication of Sky – and a few unpleasant ones, but the experience overall has been a positive one.

Have you noticed any changes in attitudes towards you from friends or co-workers following your book?

I’m delighted to say that everyone in my life (colleagues and friends) has been incredibly supportive.

You had a very extensive book tour across the US when your book launched. How did you handle the book tour, interviews and other promotional work while still juggling a full time job?

I am a project manager, by nature, so it was paramount that I integrate my personal life and promotion of the book within my hectic work schedule, yet keeping those two lives as disparate as possible. I’m privileged to work in publishing because my superiors and colleagues understand how important it is for an author to promote his or her work, and with the age of technology, keeping connected has become infinitely easier.

Speaking of promoting, it’s so important for authors to promote their own work. How did you go about promoting Sky and what would you recommend to other authors about the do’s and dont’s?

Wow! What didn’t I do? I sometimes get exhausted just thinking about the post-publication whirlwind but then it dawns on me that perhaps I haven’t done enough! I released excerpts from my book on my website and proceeded to blog about my book and my journey to publication perhaps a little too obsessively, I participated in several virtual blog tours, I pitched bloggers for reviews, interviews and features, I read (and will read) anywhere I’m asked to go, my publisher was kind enough to send me on an extensive book/radio tour, I blasted my mailing list and contact list and cashed in all my rain checks and fifty cent favors, and my publicity team at Algonquin has been beyond supportive.

But if your readers have any other suggestions, send them along!

What has surprised you most in going through this process of writing your memoir, having it published and then seeing it in the hands of others?

How not ready I was for its publication.

When did it hit you that - wow - you are truly a published author?

The day I first saw my book in St. Mark’s Bookshop in New York City. I was with my best friend and I cried.

Do you have plans to work on a second book?

I do! If only I had the time to write! I think it’s a bit premature for me to talk about the bones of the story, however, it will be a novel focused on technology and how it disconnects people, and a compassionate serial killer thrown in for good measure.

On a different topic, I know what a foodie rockstar you are. What are some of your all time favourite comfort foods?

PASTA. PASTA. PASTA.

And wait, MORE PASTA.

Do you have any bizarre food pleasures - perhaps some from childhood which has stuck with you? To illustrate: as a child we used to eat bread and coke for lunch. I still enjoy bread and coke today, but most people find that a very odd combination, especially when I go into the details of the correct way to eat it.

I know this may sound disgusting, but I like to fry cold pasta. Get some butter in a skillet, some pasta doused in marinara sauce and there’s nothing better for a late lunch.

For a non-cook who wants to have friends over for some drinks, games and perhaps to chat about a book or two, what easy and yummy snacks would you suggest?

Spiced nuts are always a winner.

Ingredients

• Assorted unsalted nuts, including: peeled peanuts, cashews, Brazil nuts, hazelnuts, walnuts, pecans and whole unpeeled almonds
• 2 tablespoons coarsely chopped fresh rosemary (from 2 sprigs)
• 1/2 half tsp cayenne pepper
• 2 tsp dark muscavado sugar
• 2 tsp kosher salt
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted

If you haven’t read The Sky Isn’t Visible from Here yet, you should! You can read the an excerpt, Fighting Shoes, which we published in our Jan-Feb issue or buy the book from Amazon now. We can not recommend this book enough. Sullivan’s writing grabs your attention, pulls you into her world and wraps you within its pages. You won’t be disappointed.

For more information about Felicia Sullivan and The Sky Isn’t Visible from Here visit FeliciaSullivan.com.

Photo credit: Andrea Thompson.

Lorissa Shepstone: A South African photographer, designer and the co-founder of Expressions, Lorissa currently lives in England with her husband and their feline-brat. Her work has been featured in various publications including PC Magazine, Digital Camera Shopper, Small Spiral Notebook, 28mm, U&I Magazine, unbound press, Kudos Magazine and Create Your Own Photoblog. She is the founder and Creative Director of All Things Girl.

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