Everything Girl

Letting go isn’t easy. Especially for someone who tends to hold on to things for dear life. You won’t find seven years of Time Magazines or 600 pairs of shoes in my home. But, you will find little stacks of folded papers that I’ve scribbled notes on. Ones I’m afraid I will need desperately the moment I throw them away. There are two decorative crates (plant holders really). One is filled with issues of magazines that I’ve read at least twice, but I just can’t seem to bring myself to toss. The other holds seven or eight spiral notebooks filled with scribbles, ideas, and writings. Then of course there were the clothes.

Several years ago I had a closet full of clothing. Actually, it was more like two closets and a few boxes full of clothing. Not clothing that I could actually wear at the time, mind you. Clothing that I’d once worn and to which I’d become inextricably attached.

Each season, when it was time to put away the winter clothing and bring out the summer clothing, or vice versa, I’d go through my ritual of laying out my size teeny clothing and admiring them. Remembering how great I looked in my black pencil skirt or the navy and white dress that made me feel like a famous Hollywood actress of yesteryear. If I’d shed a few pounds during the previous season, sometimes I’d even attempt to try on a piece or two, only to be frustrated.

“Why do you always do this to yourself, Hon?” my husband would ask as I stood over the mess of clothing. “Don’t you think it’s time to let go of this stuff?” His question wasn’t really a question, but more of a desperate pleading. Being a clothing and shoe fanatic himself, he really could use the closet space.

“The realization that while they were of no use to me, other than a few memories, these items would mean the world to women who were looking for a fresh start in life.”

I tried to get tough with myself. I would draw a deep breath and scribble a date on the box. If I couldn’t fit the contents of that box by that date, I would get rid of it. Then I’d pat the box gently, as if to say, “I’ll see you soon,” before my husband shoved it back into the dark, hot crawl space. The leaves on the trees would turn beautiful shades of red and gold and drift to the ground where we’d rake them before the snow. Cold Ohio winters would give way to spring and then to the warmth of summer. But, still, I just couldn’t get back into that tiny little pencil skirt or narrow-waisted dress.

Still I wasn’t ready to let go. I’d cross out the old date and scribble on a new one, setting myself up for failure once again. I did this for years. Until I was ready to let go. What precipitated my relinquishment of these cherished items? The realization that while they were of no use to me, other than a few memories, these items would mean the world to women who were looking for a fresh start in life.

A co-worker introduced me to Dress for Success, a non-profit organization that promotes the economic independence of disadvantaged women by providing professional attire and career development tools. My co-worker was once a recipient of the program. She was committed to supporting the organization that helped her achieve self-sufficiency. Hearing her story, and the stories of women like her, made me feel selfish, greedy even. At that moment it became crystal clear: It was time to let go.

“Letting go isn’t easy, but it is a necessary part of life. “

I raided the boxes and my closets and donated 2/3 of their contents. I held on to just a few pieces – and yes that Old Hollywood dress was among them – and gave the rest to women who needed it much more. It was a feeling of great satisfaction. And I made room in my closet for new things. Clothing that fit. Clothes in which I’d make new memories.

Letting go isn’t easy, but it is a necessary part of life. Since parting with those beloved items I’ve never even missed them. Not once. In retrospect I realize how foolish it was. But, what I didn’t realize was that the things that I gave up were just the beginning of letting go. If I wanted to make room in my life for the things that I wanted I’d have to let go of everything that didn’t serve my purpose. Starting from within…

Samara Leigh is a Northeast Ohio-based freelance writer, entrepreneur and E-consultant. Her non-fiction and fiction work celebrates the triumphant spirit of women on a journey of self-discovery..

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