Everything Girl

I’ve seen more growth in myself this past month than I saw all last year.

It’s a bold statement to make, of that I am quite well aware. However, the results of some extensive woolgathering in preparation for writing this column have shown me that it’s not only a fair assessment, but a point of fact. Professionally, the concept “continual improvement” means that while there may not be visible improvement each and every day of a project, when you step back to examine the overall progress, you see that improvement has indeed been achieved. It was an amazing realization to see that my life had become like a project I had managed and I could see concrete continual improvement. The act of embracing being more constructive in how I live has assisted me in gaining a leap in spirit. The key seems to have been a lot of soul searching for what I want mixed with just a little bit of self-discipline and even more forgiveness.Yes, I said that word. Forgiveness.

What I didn’t quite realize, however, is that in a part of the desire to live in a constructive manner, I would have to embrace the act of forgiveness as a part of that.

I was doing the self-flagellation thing again, and admitted to a friend that the one word in 2008 that I did not master was a word I purposely did not choose for 2009. The ability to be forgiving of myself was too hard and I had felt that choosing it again would only set myself up for feelings of failure. What I didn’t quite realize, however, is that in a part of the desire to live in a constructive manner, I would have to embrace the act of forgiveness as a part of that. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t made mistakes, as those are as natural as breathing. What it does mean is that when I go to bed each night, I have begun to set my spirit apart from my mistakes. The growing ability to forgive myself is allowing my soul respite when I move from waking to slumber. For the first time in several years, I am getting good and solid sleep each and every night.

One of my other focuses for 2009 is to “retain my spunk”. When I was defining concepts into words as I wrote my January column, I had been playing with words that spoke to my passion for living life. The word “spunk” was a word stuck with me as a representation to embrace the authentic me. The past month, I have been blessed with the time explore my childhood hometown. Standing on the banks of the creek that winds its way into the woods where I played as a child has been incredibly healing and my soul has found a level of comfort that has not been felt in more than twenty years. I am remembering that life has as its bonus the ability to play and the opportunity to explore our imaginations. For me, that is how my spunk has become manifest. I am writing pieces of fiction and poetry that have been beyond the reach of my imagination since I was that child playing in the woods.

There are some sacred relationships in a woman’s life. One of the most sacred is the relationship between a woman and her hairdresser. Mine told me that she had never seen me looking better rested or happier. That comment showed me that the growth I had made was shining to the outside as well as the inside. That, my friends, is nothing short of a beautiful gift.

Deb Smouse is the Editor in Chief at All Things Girl. She now checks the 40-45 box on surveys, loves to travel and sings in the shower. She dreams of sunny beaches, moonlight nights, and meeting a man who can dance. Find out more about Deb on our About Page.

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