My Brother by Emina Ademovic
“Why?” I rubbed at the crinkly fabric on my arms. “Why do I have to?” It was blue and felt like plastic. A lot of people here wore it.
“You want to see the baby, right? Then you have to wear it,” Nana said. I flared my nostrils and tried to look at them. I couldn’t really see them, and it made my eyes feel funny.
Shelves of those blue dresses were around the room. Did they really need that many? The weird shower-cap-like hats were in a yellow box with red stripes and big words I couldn’t read.
I scrambled up on the bench and looked at my sneakers that stuck out from the blue.
Nana fiddled with my hair, and pulled it back in a ponytail. I squirmed. I hated it when my hair was tied. It made my neck feel cold.
Before we had come here, Daddy had sat me up on the big bed at home and talked to me.
“Know what we’re naming the baby?” he asked. I stared at the wall across from me. My feet dangled off the edge of the mattress.
“No.”
“It’s a boy.” I didn’t say anything. “He’s a small little thing.”
“I wanna name it Michael… Or Jack?” I stared up at him. His mustache was big, and he told me days ago that he liked it that way.
“Mom and I already named him Bobby.” He reached a hand up to rub my head, but I ducked.
“Can we change it? I like Jack better,” I said, annoyed that they had named him without asking me. I focused in on the picture of my family on the side table of my mom and dad’s bed.
“No, sorry. Your Grandpa’s name is Bob. Did you know that?” I shook my head, and let my braids whip at my neck. “We named your brother after him.”
Grandpa lived far away in a country called Italy. I remember going there two years ago. The McDonald near his apartment had the same food as here and that made me feel better when I had been far from home.
“Okay.” Silence. “Are you going to see him again?” The baby was born last week, and Mom and Daddy have spent the entire time at the hospital. Nana stayed with me every day and night.
Nana had come from Arizona a few weeks before the baby was born. She was going to help my Mom out in our house. Dedo stayed in Arizona, though. He had to watch over his and Nana’s house and go to work.
“Yes, but you and Nana are coming with me this time.” I couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across my face.
“I miss Mommy.”
“You two ready?” Daddy opened the door. I crawled off the bench and took Nana’s hand. My tummy made me feel dizzy.
“Of course we are.” Nana smiled her it’s okay smile. I let out a breath.
“Alright, Kate?” Dad asked me. I nodded, gripping Nana’s hand harder. My mouth did not want to talk.
We trudged through the hall, leaving the room with the plastic dresses. I saw nurses and doctors in green pants and shirts pass us.
The last time I had been at the doctor’s, my chest hurt a lot. I don’t ever want that to happen again.
When we got in the room, I thought I was at a birthday party. Balloons said, “It’s a boy!” and “Congrats!”, and there were lots of pretty flowers in vases.
A nurse with a Winnie-the-Pooh shirt smiled at me. She had orange hair and freckles. I gave her a tiny smile and Nana unwrapped my fingers from her hand.
I stood looking at the nurse and her shirt while Nana kissed Mom and something that wiggled in a fuzzy yellow blanket.
“Want to see your new brother?” The nurse still smiled. Her teeth were white.
“Yes,” I squeaked, surprised at my voice. She held out a hand and I took it. It was soft. I let her lift me onto the edge of the bed and Mommy’s face turned to kiss my forehead. I threw my arms around her, but hands pulled me away.
“Don’t squish Bobby,” Mom said. Her voice was just how I remembered; creamy like the chocolate pudding we had at home in the fridge.
“Bobby.” I repeated the name to see how it sounded. “Bobby.”
A small pink hand reached out from the bundle in Mommy’s arms. I touched it with my finger, and it closed over me. I giggled.
“See Kate? You’re now a big sister.” I laughed when Mommy said that. Angie was my big sister and I was her little sister. Now I’m a big sister and a little sister.
Angie was away at a place called University. She only came back for holidays and for the summer. I didn’t miss her much. She had always yelled at me when I’d go into her room.
The baby squeezed my finger and started crying. Loudly. I pulled my finger away, and it started wiggling and screaming louder.
“Mommy-” I gripped her sleeve. “He’s hurt.” The nurse’s smile disappeared, and she started to pick me up again. “Mommy!” I screamed, and clutched her arm.
“Kate, you can’t be next to Mom right now,” Dad said. The nurse moved and Daddy picked my up. I felt Mommy’s arm slide away, and my feet in the air.
“But she’s my Mommy!” I curled my hands into fists, and kicked out with my feet.
“Bobby needs her. He’s just a baby; he can’t do anything for himself yet.” Dad set me on the floor and began to pull me from the room.
“Kate.” The nurse bent to me. She was so close that I could have counted her freckles if my eyes weren’t blurry. “You know how much you need your mother? That’s how much your brother needs her too.” I stopped sniffling. “He’s just like you, but he’s a baby.” My legs stiffened. “He’s sick too.” A tear slid down my cheek.
I hit her.
* * *
That night, at eleven-thirty, Mommy was having problems. I was at home with dad and Nana when the phone rang and woke me up. Dad was talking really fast on the phone, then whispered some things to Nana.
He left the house quickly.
When he came back in the morning, he was crying. Nana pulled out our family phone book.
They spent a long time calling people and telling them something about Mom and the baby.
Then, Nana pulled me onto her lap while she was sitting on the couch.
“Mom got really sick, honey. She died early this morning,” she told me, hugging me.
I didn’t understand.
Her tears fell onto my face, and my hands started shaking. She was scaring me. Why was she crying? Was she hurt?
I didn’t see any cuts on her and I didn’t notice any blood.
“Mom had a heart attack, Kate. She was upset over Bobby‘s surgery. She died.” Again, the tears streamed down as Nana wailed.
I fidgeted. Mommy died because Bobby made her upset?
“When is she coming home?” I pulled on Nana’s sleeve.
She cried even more.
“When is Mommy coming home?” I demanded in anger.
“She’s dead, Kate. She’s not coming.”
I pushed away from Nana, but her hands were holding me tight.
“Let go of me!” I hit her arms. “I don’t want Bobby to live here. He made Mommy upset! Tell dad that he can’t come.”
“Kate, Mom is never coming back.”
I froze, too scared to do anything more.
“It’s all Bobby’s fault!” I cried, curling my hands into fists. “He took away my Mommy!”
I didn’t notice I was crying until I tasted the salty tears on my lips.
I wanted Mom to come back. She had promised me she would be back soon.
She lied.
